Sunday, July 7, 2013

I Don't Need Money

Okay, I hate to bitch and complain but I have to put this out there...

I've said it before, I'll say it again - if you tell me what a saint I am for taking care of my disabled child, you are implying that she is not worth caring for. By making me out to be some martyr, you make her out to be a massive burden.

Which she is NOT.

We went to the Renaissance Festival this weekend. It was tons of fun, we had a blast, the girls got to see princesses and fairies and a real, live elephant! And me, I got to see a douchebag with delusions of grandeur.

Me and the girls were waiting for someone and playing together when a guy came up to me with his two teen daughters in tow. He knelt in front of me and said "I noticed you with your kids and you are just doing such a great job with them. I wanted to give you this." He held out a $20.

"Thanks, I appreciate it," I said, "but I really don't need your money."

"No, please, take it!" he said. "You are an angel! You take such good care of your kids!"

I took his money to shut him up and thanked him. Then I promptly gave it to two teens who had no spending money.

I'm not an angel. I'm a mom. I do for my child exactly what most other moms gladly do for their kids- whatever they need me to do. My child's needs are a bit different from others, but the job description is the same. Take care of them. Love them. Encourage them.  Adding a long white cane into the mix doesn't make me any more a hero than any mom who sat up all night with a feverish toddler.

But hey, I'm used to this misplaced hero worship crap... adding money into the mix makes it more insulting. Is your $20 supposed to lift me out of the apparent misery of my life? Is it supposed to be the consolation prize for having a defective kid? Do you think I need a consolation prize??

I do not need or want a pity tip for caring for a child that I adore. I love my daughter. That's right, love her. She's blind, she's delayed, she's clumsy, she's hard to manage at times... but she's also funny as all get-out, spunky, bright, friendly. She's a fighter, the bravest damned kid I've ever met, and I adore her. Oh, and she's better at this whole potty training thing than her normal kid sister. So maybe there's something going on upstairs after all, huh?

Please, don't treat someone's child like a burden. And above all else, if you have to make a big deal out of things you don't truly understand from the two minutes of interaction you just saw, please don't insult me by acting like your money is going to make me feel better.


  1. if I didn't know you, I would think this is made up. Who does that?

  2. I know you were insulted by this, but I think the man probably had good and honest intentions at heart. He told you he thought you were a good mother. Like you said, you are just doing what moms do, but what moms do for their children is amazing and worthy of recognition. Choose to take this as a compliment, even if he went about it in the wrong way.

    1. Sorry, took me a while to get around to answering you. I'm reminded of the term "backhanded compliment." There's a lot of people out there who don't realize that their behavior or delivery can be hurting someone else, and that's why I share these stories. Because maybe someone will read this and go "Oh wow, I didn't know that I was making people feel bad when I did (blah)." You know how they say "it's the thought that counts"? Well, that's not true. Thought counts and delivery counts, too. The more parents of adoptive or disabled children share their stories, the more that other people can learn not to be rude, even if it is by accident.