I think I've figured out why moms spend so much time being offended by each other. See, you only have to get a couple of moms together for about five minutes before someone has made a comment about the way they raise their kids and why they think it's right. And, of course, someone else in the room feels the exact opposite about that particular item of interest and immediately feels slighted. Maligned. Offended. It happens without fail, and I have found the root of the matter.
See, there's a lot of gray in parenting. Sure, some things are very black and white. You must feed the kid, that's non-negotiable. Sleep is probably a given. Beatings, bad. Hugs, good. These things are very basic stuff and pretty well agreed upon, which is why we have a bunch of laws around them. Go figure.
But the gray area is enormous. TV - yes or no? How much? What can they watch? At which age can they watch it? Video games - same stuff. Rough-housing - how much do you let them get away with it? Do the kids settle their own fights or do you step in? Time outs? Vaccinations? Food? There's a lot of stuff that's wide open to interpretation. So when you get moms together you will, inevitably, find points in the gray zone where people differ and its totally OK. Let me repeat that... it's OKAY to do things your own way. Only a total nut-job would tell you that you are abusive if you breast feed for only the first month, or not at all. Only a total whacko would accuse you of being a bad parent for giving your kid soda. They might disagree about it, but they would have to admit that no one should be taking your kid away and putting them in foster care for such things.
Yet, when we all get together and talk about being moms, we assume that's what dissent means. WTF moms? Why are we tearing each other apart over differences??
Because it's important, and it's personal. Raising our kids is damned important, and we spend every day of our mommy lives feeling a gnawing anxiety about whether we are doing it "right". Every mom is scared, somewhere in the back of her mind, that she's screwing something up. Maybe not all the time, but we all have moments where we wonder. We wonder if the pacifier is messing up her teeth. We wonder if he'll be overweight. We wonder if he'll be a bully (since he feels the need to tackle everyone he meets) and we are scared she'll get picked on, since she's so quiet and shy. We're afraid we passed on genetic land mines that will pop up in high school to make life miserable. Most of all, we wonder about how our parenting style and our decisions will impact our kids for life (picking a school makes me break out in hives.) We're scared, and we should be, because we know how big a deal this is. But we're moms, so we feel like we have to know everything. Shoot, if we admit how lost we are then why should we be allowed to keep these kids, right? Moms are supposed to KNOW what to do. KNOW what's right and wrong. KNOW how to raise these kids up to be straight A sports stars who don't date until 20 and go to college and become sensitive CEOs who donate their money and volunteer their time and love their families. We're the ones who are supposed to make this happen, and we're supposed to just instinctively know how. No wonder we're stressed about out parenting style!
And at the same time, it's deeply personal. Our kids are a reflection of us. They become our successes, our failures. Most moms have a healthy attitude about this, but you can see it taken too far. Think of Botox mom... you wanna tell me her obsession with her daughter being perfect has nothing to do with her own personal appearance? Our identity gets wrapped up in our kids, and any perceived judgement of our parenting becomes a judgement of ourselves.
Ladies, when do we get to cut the crap? Can we all just make a deal? Let's agree on a few things.
1 - Our kids are not a reflection of us. See, if they were, that would imply they have no personality of their own. Bull. They are little people, with personalities all their own. That doesn't mean we throw our hands up and let whatever will be, be. But it does mean that I can take my own issues out of the equation.
2 - Let's all admit to the gray area. There's no single "right way" to raise a kid. There's no magic formula of the prefect amount of TV time and the perfect amount of soda and candy and discipline and hugs... there's a million ways to raise a kid without screwing him or her up.
3 - Our decisions are equally valid and made from the same place. We're all just doing the best we can out of love for our kids. And if that's what you're doing, then you're "doing it right." End of story.
I love conversations with other moms where we all just kvetch and cry and share and whine and laugh and then maybe even learn a bit from each other. Maybe we rib each other for being that "earthy hippy mom" or "the uptight mom" or "the chillaxed mom." And then we all walk away not feeling offended or angry or hurt or - worst of all - judged. Perhaps we can all walk away feeling like we're in good company, even if not in the company of clones.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
And You'll Pull Back a Bloody Stump
I suppose it's considered rude to tell an elderly woman that if she touches your child, you'll rip her hands off. Even now, typing it out as a hypothetical, it seems harsh. Yet, when I think of my recent encounter with an over-excited old lady who loved my little girl too much, it seems reasonable enough to me. My momma bear thinks it's actually fairly lenient.
I recently had the honor and privilege of going for coffee with a lovely couple whom I adore, and who are now expecting their own little bundle of joy. I couldn't be happier for these two folks, they're great people who will be great parents. Plus their child will be able to bend steel bars and snap chains at birth, so I'm REALLY looking forward to the arrival of their super ninja baby. Unfortunately, we don't see these folks near often enough, so I jump at every chance I get to lure them out with the promise of hot, tasty drinks.
We were relaxing in a very nice coffee shop and my two chitlins were playing nicely as the grownups chattered. Well, that's a lie. My son was telling the father-to-be all about Darth Vader, my daughter was pulling magazines off the tables, and me and the momma-to-be were talking. At some point in the conversation we were discussing invasive people, especially how darned invasive folks can be when it comes to kids and pregnancies. I warned her about the people who touch your kid or your belly without permission, and she was aghast and incredulous. It seemed impossible to her that a random stranger would just walk up and try to handle another stranger's progeny.
Just then I was hugged from behind by a little old lady. A little old lady whom I've never seen before in my life. She would have tackled me if she weighed more than 50 pounds, shouting hello as if we were old friends, and then proceeded to attempt to engage my daughter. Both of my kids were looking at this lady as if she were nuts (kids can be very astute, don't you think?) and my daughter was obviously afraid. My son actually pretended to have a cough and told her he didn't want to get her sick when she began accosting him for a hug and kiss. Where he learned that little trick I have no Earthly clue, but it was one of the few times I will ever be happy to see him fib.
The woman spent some time trying to get my daughter to play, then moved on to my son and started playing connect four with him at the table nearby. Fine, he wanted someone to play the game with and she seemed relatively harmless, although someone should have informed her that if you say "I'm not going to hurt you" it makes you sound like you just might do exactly that... At this point I figure she's perhaps a little soft in the noggin, but sweet and just friendly. She's also under the watchful eye of three adults who won't let her mess with my kids. After a little while I had to go to the bathroom and I asked my good friends if they could keep an eye on both kids for me while I did so. I ran to the restroom and was in there for maybe five minutes, tops, and was washing my hands when I hear my daughter screaming.
I figured she'd fallen down. I mean, she's just cruising and not terribly well balanced and when she falls she tends to freak out. I hightailed it out into the seating area to find my friend taking my daughter back from the crazy lady. That's right, when the sweet little old lady looked up and saw that mom was gone she swooped in to pick up the baby. Without a shred of permission.
In my opinion, it looks damned suspicious if you don't even ask me for permission to hold my child, you just wait until I leave and then grab her when she is unguarded. That creeps me out because that seems about one step shy of abduction. Luckily my two friends were there, who both happen to be very BA and would totally ninjitsu an old lady in the face for my kids. I took my daughter back and immediately began gathering up the kiddos and declaring an end to the outing. I was done letting this old woman anywhere near my kids, since her claims of being perfectly harmless weren't as convincing anymore.
Once outside I just looked at my friend, who was practically tripping over her own jaw at this point, and said "See? I rest my case. Count yourself lucky that she never noticed your baby bump or she'd have groped you."
People have a disturbing lack of boundaries when it comes to babies and kids. They ask probing personal questions about name and age and where they live and go to school, how much they eat or weigh, etc. They ruffle hair, adjust collars, maybe even pull up a drooping pair of pants. They get within about two inches of the child's face, sometimes even planting a wet one on a cheek or forehead. Crap you would NEVER do to another adult, especially a total stranger. And they rarely ask permission first. Why people feel that children are somehow communal property is beyond me. Yeah, maybe it takes a village, but in a village everyone knows each other. Strangers from another village don't just take liberties because that would be rude and a bit weird. My rule of thumb is unless you are a part of someone's "village" (close friend or relative by blood or marriage) you don't touch their kid without permission.
Parents, by the way, could stand to pass this on to their children, too. No one is more touchy with my daughter than other little girls, around the age of five. And not just wanting to pat her hair or stroke her tiny fingers, I mean attempting to pick her up. When she was about 6 months old a young girl literally attempted to pull her out of her father's arms at a play area. Parents, please make sure to keep an eye on your daughters if you see they are near an infant, and please intervene if they get too handsy.
My sense of decorum kept me from being an eighth as rude as I wanted to that fateful day. What I wanted to say to that senile old lady was "if you touch my kids again you will pull back a bloody stump."
I recently had the honor and privilege of going for coffee with a lovely couple whom I adore, and who are now expecting their own little bundle of joy. I couldn't be happier for these two folks, they're great people who will be great parents. Plus their child will be able to bend steel bars and snap chains at birth, so I'm REALLY looking forward to the arrival of their super ninja baby. Unfortunately, we don't see these folks near often enough, so I jump at every chance I get to lure them out with the promise of hot, tasty drinks.
We were relaxing in a very nice coffee shop and my two chitlins were playing nicely as the grownups chattered. Well, that's a lie. My son was telling the father-to-be all about Darth Vader, my daughter was pulling magazines off the tables, and me and the momma-to-be were talking. At some point in the conversation we were discussing invasive people, especially how darned invasive folks can be when it comes to kids and pregnancies. I warned her about the people who touch your kid or your belly without permission, and she was aghast and incredulous. It seemed impossible to her that a random stranger would just walk up and try to handle another stranger's progeny.
Just then I was hugged from behind by a little old lady. A little old lady whom I've never seen before in my life. She would have tackled me if she weighed more than 50 pounds, shouting hello as if we were old friends, and then proceeded to attempt to engage my daughter. Both of my kids were looking at this lady as if she were nuts (kids can be very astute, don't you think?) and my daughter was obviously afraid. My son actually pretended to have a cough and told her he didn't want to get her sick when she began accosting him for a hug and kiss. Where he learned that little trick I have no Earthly clue, but it was one of the few times I will ever be happy to see him fib.
The woman spent some time trying to get my daughter to play, then moved on to my son and started playing connect four with him at the table nearby. Fine, he wanted someone to play the game with and she seemed relatively harmless, although someone should have informed her that if you say "I'm not going to hurt you" it makes you sound like you just might do exactly that... At this point I figure she's perhaps a little soft in the noggin, but sweet and just friendly. She's also under the watchful eye of three adults who won't let her mess with my kids. After a little while I had to go to the bathroom and I asked my good friends if they could keep an eye on both kids for me while I did so. I ran to the restroom and was in there for maybe five minutes, tops, and was washing my hands when I hear my daughter screaming.
I figured she'd fallen down. I mean, she's just cruising and not terribly well balanced and when she falls she tends to freak out. I hightailed it out into the seating area to find my friend taking my daughter back from the crazy lady. That's right, when the sweet little old lady looked up and saw that mom was gone she swooped in to pick up the baby. Without a shred of permission.
In my opinion, it looks damned suspicious if you don't even ask me for permission to hold my child, you just wait until I leave and then grab her when she is unguarded. That creeps me out because that seems about one step shy of abduction. Luckily my two friends were there, who both happen to be very BA and would totally ninjitsu an old lady in the face for my kids. I took my daughter back and immediately began gathering up the kiddos and declaring an end to the outing. I was done letting this old woman anywhere near my kids, since her claims of being perfectly harmless weren't as convincing anymore.
Once outside I just looked at my friend, who was practically tripping over her own jaw at this point, and said "See? I rest my case. Count yourself lucky that she never noticed your baby bump or she'd have groped you."
People have a disturbing lack of boundaries when it comes to babies and kids. They ask probing personal questions about name and age and where they live and go to school, how much they eat or weigh, etc. They ruffle hair, adjust collars, maybe even pull up a drooping pair of pants. They get within about two inches of the child's face, sometimes even planting a wet one on a cheek or forehead. Crap you would NEVER do to another adult, especially a total stranger. And they rarely ask permission first. Why people feel that children are somehow communal property is beyond me. Yeah, maybe it takes a village, but in a village everyone knows each other. Strangers from another village don't just take liberties because that would be rude and a bit weird. My rule of thumb is unless you are a part of someone's "village" (close friend or relative by blood or marriage) you don't touch their kid without permission.
Parents, by the way, could stand to pass this on to their children, too. No one is more touchy with my daughter than other little girls, around the age of five. And not just wanting to pat her hair or stroke her tiny fingers, I mean attempting to pick her up. When she was about 6 months old a young girl literally attempted to pull her out of her father's arms at a play area. Parents, please make sure to keep an eye on your daughters if you see they are near an infant, and please intervene if they get too handsy.
My sense of decorum kept me from being an eighth as rude as I wanted to that fateful day. What I wanted to say to that senile old lady was "if you touch my kids again you will pull back a bloody stump."
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
DOOOOOOOM!!!
Well, the world is slated to end on Saturday. No specific time zone is denoted in the doomsaying, so I guess that means we could see the end here in Colorado sometime between Friday evening and very early Sunday morning. We're hoping it's actually Saturday, because we're going to be camping and we figure that's a pretty good way to go.
In all seriousness, a lot of people have denounced these doomsayers as whackos, and I can see why. There's been a whole lot of end-of-the-world predictions so far in our history, and none of them have panned out. In fact, shortly after the death of Christ there were those who believed the end was coming within their generation. So, by their calculations, we are about 1,900 years late.
I'm not calling them crazy yet, though. I figure we can't tell if they're crazy until May 22nd. Until then, there's a chance they could very well be right. What I will say is that I highly doubt it. Why?
I'm sure most people would point right at the Bible. "It clearly states, " they would argues, "that we cannot know the date and time of the end of days. " They are referring to Mark 13:32, which quotes Jesus himself as saying "But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." in reference to the end of times. This would seem pretty clear cut, right? Well, hold on there... see, the doomsayers are also referencing the Bible. And they are saying it gives them the authority to make these predictions, that it says they can know. They point to 1 Thessalonians 5:2-6, which starts with the statement that the day will come like a thief in the night *except* to the brethren who live in the light. They point to various other texts that warn believers to watch, and imply that if they are watching the date and time will not sneak up on them. They also remind us that the Lord sent warning of the timing of other catastrophes he sent upon the world, telling Noah when to build his ark, Jonah when Ninevah would be destroyed, Lot about the coming destruction of Sodom and Gemorrah, and Moses about the timing of the scourging of Egypt. It's in God's M.O., they argue, to tell someone when bad stuff is coming so they can warn others to repent.
So their claims of having the authority or ability to know are sketchy, but not entirely disproven. See, the Bible is not some step-by-step owner's manual for the world and reality. There's a lot of room for interpretation. Parts of it are literal, parts are figurative and still other parts are simply illustrative, and the various parts are not labeled for easy reference. Therefore, my problem with their claims is not their authority or lack thereof. I'll leave that issue completely aside, thanks.
My problem is that they really don't tell us where they get May 21st from. There's some hand-waving about a Biblical timeline using genealogies and historical events as reference, but that timeline is never given clearly. One of their longer tracts, about 70 pages, called We Are Almost There!" gives more detail about their methods, but it is severely lacking in true explanation. At points, it actually contradicts itself! In one place the author claims that the reference in Revelations to Satan being bound for a 1,000 years was not literal, but representative and that the true number is 1,995 years. (No explanation of how that new number was arrived at, of course) Later the same author states that "Each and every number recorded in the Bible is accurate." Wait a sec... which is it? if each and every number is accurate then shouldn't 1,000 years be 1,000 years and not this random 1,995 number your just pulled out of thin air? Spurious claims and shady logic abound in this tract, which is an interesting read but not technically or logically feasible.
To boot, it's loaded with false theology about salvation. It talks about how the Lord's salvation won't apply to those who have not accepted Christ "correctly." Those who are not reading the Bible properly won't be saved. Ummmm.... what?? Jesus said that all who come to Him will find salvation, without placing any contingency on how one reads or interprets the Bible. But these people want to limit His salvation, and the grace and mercy of His death on the cross, to those who agree with them on details of interpretation! I am always wary of people who would claim to be able to impose restrictions on salvation, as if they can usurp God and pick and choose His sons and daughters for Him.
Do I think we'll all still be here on the 22nd? Yeah, I do. I can't say it for certain, because I really can't tell you if we'll still be here tomorrow, but I sincerely doubt the ability of this rag-tag group of Biblical analysts to crack the code. So I guess I'll see you on Monday, when we'll all just laugh about this. Well, almost everyone.
For your reading enjoyment, some fuzzy logic and shady conclusions. Enjoy. Try to read it by Friday night, though, ok? We Are Almost There!
 |
| "Are we there yet??" |
I'm not calling them crazy yet, though. I figure we can't tell if they're crazy until May 22nd. Until then, there's a chance they could very well be right. What I will say is that I highly doubt it. Why?
I'm sure most people would point right at the Bible. "It clearly states, " they would argues, "that we cannot know the date and time of the end of days. " They are referring to Mark 13:32, which quotes Jesus himself as saying "But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." in reference to the end of times. This would seem pretty clear cut, right? Well, hold on there... see, the doomsayers are also referencing the Bible. And they are saying it gives them the authority to make these predictions, that it says they can know. They point to 1 Thessalonians 5:2-6, which starts with the statement that the day will come like a thief in the night *except* to the brethren who live in the light. They point to various other texts that warn believers to watch, and imply that if they are watching the date and time will not sneak up on them. They also remind us that the Lord sent warning of the timing of other catastrophes he sent upon the world, telling Noah when to build his ark, Jonah when Ninevah would be destroyed, Lot about the coming destruction of Sodom and Gemorrah, and Moses about the timing of the scourging of Egypt. It's in God's M.O., they argue, to tell someone when bad stuff is coming so they can warn others to repent.
So their claims of having the authority or ability to know are sketchy, but not entirely disproven. See, the Bible is not some step-by-step owner's manual for the world and reality. There's a lot of room for interpretation. Parts of it are literal, parts are figurative and still other parts are simply illustrative, and the various parts are not labeled for easy reference. Therefore, my problem with their claims is not their authority or lack thereof. I'll leave that issue completely aside, thanks.
My problem is that they really don't tell us where they get May 21st from. There's some hand-waving about a Biblical timeline using genealogies and historical events as reference, but that timeline is never given clearly. One of their longer tracts, about 70 pages, called We Are Almost There!" gives more detail about their methods, but it is severely lacking in true explanation. At points, it actually contradicts itself! In one place the author claims that the reference in Revelations to Satan being bound for a 1,000 years was not literal, but representative and that the true number is 1,995 years. (No explanation of how that new number was arrived at, of course) Later the same author states that "Each and every number recorded in the Bible is accurate." Wait a sec... which is it? if each and every number is accurate then shouldn't 1,000 years be 1,000 years and not this random 1,995 number your just pulled out of thin air? Spurious claims and shady logic abound in this tract, which is an interesting read but not technically or logically feasible.
To boot, it's loaded with false theology about salvation. It talks about how the Lord's salvation won't apply to those who have not accepted Christ "correctly." Those who are not reading the Bible properly won't be saved. Ummmm.... what?? Jesus said that all who come to Him will find salvation, without placing any contingency on how one reads or interprets the Bible. But these people want to limit His salvation, and the grace and mercy of His death on the cross, to those who agree with them on details of interpretation! I am always wary of people who would claim to be able to impose restrictions on salvation, as if they can usurp God and pick and choose His sons and daughters for Him.
Do I think we'll all still be here on the 22nd? Yeah, I do. I can't say it for certain, because I really can't tell you if we'll still be here tomorrow, but I sincerely doubt the ability of this rag-tag group of Biblical analysts to crack the code. So I guess I'll see you on Monday, when we'll all just laugh about this. Well, almost everyone.
For your reading enjoyment, some fuzzy logic and shady conclusions. Enjoy. Try to read it by Friday night, though, ok? We Are Almost There!
Monday, May 16, 2011
God of the Unexplainable
Ok, so here's something I don't normally do... I'm just going to take this entry directly from my own personal journal. Bet you didn't know that I have a journal in addition to this blog, eh? Yeah, I'm introspective like that. Anyway, here it goes.
Journal - 15 May 2011
Wow. Today something happened in worship that I can hardly believe. It's kinda screwing with me, honestly.
There was a woman in front of me in service - never met her before. During service I noticed that she seemed to be experiencing some very strong emotion - she was really going through something. I first noticed it while we were singing, and I felt like putting my hand on her shoulder. But, of course, I didn't. Because she was a total stranger, and that would be weird.
After the sermon we were doing communion and more worship. Everyone was standing and singing and she was still sitting, obviously dealing with a lot. And then I felt it.
I felt YOU, telling me to reach out to her. It was so strong I could hardly bear it. My left hand started to get this feeling. I can barely describe it. It was *like* a tingle, but not. It was *like* a burning, but not. *Like* electricity, or power, or energy - but not quite. It was God. It was God saying "There's a reason I want this from you, so DO IT."
I thought to myself "God, please tell me you're not going to make me touch this total stranger." And then, I did.
I laid my hand on her shoulder. She didn't turn, just reached up and took hold of my hand like it was a lifeline. I squeezed her hand and held it for the rest of the song, and I prayed over her. I prayed for God to take care of her, to help her, be with her. After the benediction she turned around, hugged me and thanked me. All I could stammer out was "No problem." What I should have said was "It wasn't me!"
I don't know what that was about, but I know as surely as I stand that God used me today. I'm not even totally sure how, or why, or to accomplish what. I only know that at that moment he wanted her to... I dunno. He wanted me to put my hand on her shoulder. Beyond that, I got nothin'.
So here I stand. I keep looking at my left hand in awe. It's just a normal hand. I'm just an average woman. But that was anything but a normal or average service.
That was my unexpected thing from service, my unplanned brush with the God of the universe. I have no explanation for it, and I know it sounds crazy. I'm really not some religious whack-job who thinks that my neighbor's dog talks to me or that I have an image of Mary on my toast. Honestly, I'm not. I love God, very very much, and I do believe I've seen His hand on my life - but in events and stuff. I dunno, things that people normally attribute to God when they believe He's a part of their life. This... well, this falls outside that category I suppose. And I honestly don't know what to make of it.
Journal - 15 May 2011
Wow. Today something happened in worship that I can hardly believe. It's kinda screwing with me, honestly.
There was a woman in front of me in service - never met her before. During service I noticed that she seemed to be experiencing some very strong emotion - she was really going through something. I first noticed it while we were singing, and I felt like putting my hand on her shoulder. But, of course, I didn't. Because she was a total stranger, and that would be weird.
After the sermon we were doing communion and more worship. Everyone was standing and singing and she was still sitting, obviously dealing with a lot. And then I felt it.
I felt YOU, telling me to reach out to her. It was so strong I could hardly bear it. My left hand started to get this feeling. I can barely describe it. It was *like* a tingle, but not. It was *like* a burning, but not. *Like* electricity, or power, or energy - but not quite. It was God. It was God saying "There's a reason I want this from you, so DO IT."
I thought to myself "God, please tell me you're not going to make me touch this total stranger." And then, I did.
I laid my hand on her shoulder. She didn't turn, just reached up and took hold of my hand like it was a lifeline. I squeezed her hand and held it for the rest of the song, and I prayed over her. I prayed for God to take care of her, to help her, be with her. After the benediction she turned around, hugged me and thanked me. All I could stammer out was "No problem." What I should have said was "It wasn't me!"
I don't know what that was about, but I know as surely as I stand that God used me today. I'm not even totally sure how, or why, or to accomplish what. I only know that at that moment he wanted her to... I dunno. He wanted me to put my hand on her shoulder. Beyond that, I got nothin'.
So here I stand. I keep looking at my left hand in awe. It's just a normal hand. I'm just an average woman. But that was anything but a normal or average service.
That was my unexpected thing from service, my unplanned brush with the God of the universe. I have no explanation for it, and I know it sounds crazy. I'm really not some religious whack-job who thinks that my neighbor's dog talks to me or that I have an image of Mary on my toast. Honestly, I'm not. I love God, very very much, and I do believe I've seen His hand on my life - but in events and stuff. I dunno, things that people normally attribute to God when they believe He's a part of their life. This... well, this falls outside that category I suppose. And I honestly don't know what to make of it.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Signs You Need Your Mojo Back
As a mom it can be pretty easy to lose your fabulousness in the business of life. It's hard to stay sexy when your most frequently worn accessory is someone else's bodily fluids. Sometimes you don't even notice the descent into frump-itude, so here's your intervention. Because I care about you, and it tears me up to see you this way.
1. You ask your hubby what he wants for your anniversary and he asks you to start wearing deodorant again. (This actually happened to me. I kid you not. )
2. Your hairbrush is just plain gone. Has been for months.
3. Your hairdryer/flatiron/curling iron has dust on it.
4. All your makeup is past it's expiration date. When you open the mascara, it looks like the fossilized remains of some prehistoric bug.
5. You are still wearing your maternity clothes, even though you already lost all that baby weight, because it's still in your drawers and you're too lazy to dig out your pre-pregnancy clothes or go shopping.
6. All your panties are period panties.
7. You put more effort into dressing the kids than dressing yourself.
8. Your legs and armpits are so hairy they act as insulation. When you take your pants off, it looks like you have on leggings.
9. You borrow your daughter's accessories. Ya know, the plastic ones with the princesses on them?
10. You go to your favorite stylist (the one you've been seeing for years) and it's been so long that she thinks you're a new customer.
1. You ask your hubby what he wants for your anniversary and he asks you to start wearing deodorant again. (This actually happened to me. I kid you not. )
2. Your hairbrush is just plain gone. Has been for months.
3. Your hairdryer/flatiron/curling iron has dust on it.
4. All your makeup is past it's expiration date. When you open the mascara, it looks like the fossilized remains of some prehistoric bug.
5. You are still wearing your maternity clothes, even though you already lost all that baby weight, because it's still in your drawers and you're too lazy to dig out your pre-pregnancy clothes or go shopping.
6. All your panties are period panties.
7. You put more effort into dressing the kids than dressing yourself.
8. Your legs and armpits are so hairy they act as insulation. When you take your pants off, it looks like you have on leggings.
9. You borrow your daughter's accessories. Ya know, the plastic ones with the princesses on them?
10. You go to your favorite stylist (the one you've been seeing for years) and it's been so long that she thinks you're a new customer.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
The Scientific method
My PhytoProlief arrived in the mail yesterday! Needless to say, I'm all full of excitement here. So, how's it going so far?
Day 1: OK, so I'm that kind of person who has to try on/wear/use/set up any new thing the minute it arrives. I don't do delayed gratification. So of course, as soon as I saw my spiffy new bottle of Phyto I popped the top and gave out it's first measured pump. Every pump is precisely 1/4 tsp, and the directions say to slather it on soft tissue - think neck, belly, temples, chest, palms of hands and soles of feet - thin skin, where it can absorb easily. So I doused my neck. First thing I noticed - it's a thin lotion, and 1/4 tsp is more than you think it will be. I had a hard time getting all the lotion on my neck!
So within about 20 minutes of applying the stuff, I started to feel pressure in my head. Then a bit off. Tired, not fully engaged mentally. Basically the same symptoms that come far in advance of a migraine. WTF, I thought. This is supposed to make me feel better, not worse! I turned over the bottle and read the ingredients list. "progesterone USP" was the fifth or sixth item. Nowhere did it say "Estrogen". Dangit! Maybe it's the wrong one!
This led me to a bit of interwebs research, where I learned a lot about hormones. First, I learned that progesterone and estrogen are synergistic. They work well together - when your progesterone increases it stimulates your body to produce more estrogen. Good news. Then I looked over the list of various herbs in the Phtyo. It's a veritable "who's who" of stuff known to stimulate estrogen production or behave as estrogen in the body. Hmmmm.. guess this is the right stuff, after all. So what gives, why do I feel so crummy?
Well, my migraines are caused by fluctuations in estrogen. So if a drop in estrogen will knock me off kilter, then a surge will probably have a similar effect. Maybe I should have waited until my period to try this stuff? I was contemplating a change in tactic... but then it got close to bedtime and I noticed something.
I was tired. Very tired. In a very healthy way. I felt exhausted and I felt like I could sleep. Now this is a wonderful development for me, because my sleep has been totally interrupted and un-helpful for a while now. You know the feeling where you are totally exhausted but you lay down and can't fall asleep for hours because you can't relax and you wake up a bunch? This was totally different. Perhaps this was a good sign?
Day 2: Oh wow, I slept GREAT last night! I went to bed at a normal hour and fell asleep shortly after hitting the pillow. Deeply asleep. I didn't wake up once, and when the alarm went off in the morning I felt refreshed. This is probably the first time in MONTHS I woke up feeling so good.
So this morning, I applied the Phyto again. This time I slathered my belly, because the instructions say to rotate where you apply it. Again, this stuff goes a long way! I almost wonder if the measured pump is too big, but I'll roll with it.
Once again I felt a bit of pressure and foggy-ness after applying it, but that was gone within an hour. And now, I feel GREAT! I don't feel tired. I don't feel out of it. I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. Dude, I love having estrogen!! So far, I'm thinking this stuff is great. Perhaps I've been low in estrogen overall. Hmmmm.... it might explain some stuff. Trouble sleeping. Mood disturbances. Frequently feeling foggy or just not quite right.
At any rate, the experiment will definitely continue and I will be applying the lotion every morning. I'm thinking I'll do one pump in the morning until my period, and then I'll do one in the morning and one in the evening. The directions say that's ok to do, so I should be fine.
I'll keep everyone posted as this goes on.
Day 1: OK, so I'm that kind of person who has to try on/wear/use/set up any new thing the minute it arrives. I don't do delayed gratification. So of course, as soon as I saw my spiffy new bottle of Phyto I popped the top and gave out it's first measured pump. Every pump is precisely 1/4 tsp, and the directions say to slather it on soft tissue - think neck, belly, temples, chest, palms of hands and soles of feet - thin skin, where it can absorb easily. So I doused my neck. First thing I noticed - it's a thin lotion, and 1/4 tsp is more than you think it will be. I had a hard time getting all the lotion on my neck!
So within about 20 minutes of applying the stuff, I started to feel pressure in my head. Then a bit off. Tired, not fully engaged mentally. Basically the same symptoms that come far in advance of a migraine. WTF, I thought. This is supposed to make me feel better, not worse! I turned over the bottle and read the ingredients list. "progesterone USP" was the fifth or sixth item. Nowhere did it say "Estrogen". Dangit! Maybe it's the wrong one!
This led me to a bit of interwebs research, where I learned a lot about hormones. First, I learned that progesterone and estrogen are synergistic. They work well together - when your progesterone increases it stimulates your body to produce more estrogen. Good news. Then I looked over the list of various herbs in the Phtyo. It's a veritable "who's who" of stuff known to stimulate estrogen production or behave as estrogen in the body. Hmmmm.. guess this is the right stuff, after all. So what gives, why do I feel so crummy?
Well, my migraines are caused by fluctuations in estrogen. So if a drop in estrogen will knock me off kilter, then a surge will probably have a similar effect. Maybe I should have waited until my period to try this stuff? I was contemplating a change in tactic... but then it got close to bedtime and I noticed something.
I was tired. Very tired. In a very healthy way. I felt exhausted and I felt like I could sleep. Now this is a wonderful development for me, because my sleep has been totally interrupted and un-helpful for a while now. You know the feeling where you are totally exhausted but you lay down and can't fall asleep for hours because you can't relax and you wake up a bunch? This was totally different. Perhaps this was a good sign?
Day 2: Oh wow, I slept GREAT last night! I went to bed at a normal hour and fell asleep shortly after hitting the pillow. Deeply asleep. I didn't wake up once, and when the alarm went off in the morning I felt refreshed. This is probably the first time in MONTHS I woke up feeling so good.
So this morning, I applied the Phyto again. This time I slathered my belly, because the instructions say to rotate where you apply it. Again, this stuff goes a long way! I almost wonder if the measured pump is too big, but I'll roll with it.
Once again I felt a bit of pressure and foggy-ness after applying it, but that was gone within an hour. And now, I feel GREAT! I don't feel tired. I don't feel out of it. I'm feeling better than I have in a long time. Dude, I love having estrogen!! So far, I'm thinking this stuff is great. Perhaps I've been low in estrogen overall. Hmmmm.... it might explain some stuff. Trouble sleeping. Mood disturbances. Frequently feeling foggy or just not quite right.
At any rate, the experiment will definitely continue and I will be applying the lotion every morning. I'm thinking I'll do one pump in the morning until my period, and then I'll do one in the morning and one in the evening. The directions say that's ok to do, so I should be fine.
I'll keep everyone posted as this goes on.
Monday, May 9, 2011
The In-Between
The worst part of being in a "blended family" is, and I will not entertain any other opinions on this point, visitation. I don't care what other bug is up your butt, nothing is worse than being separated from your child. I hate it. It's not about some vindictive grudge thing against his dad. It's not anger about his stepmom. It's not about jealousy or sour grapes, it's about seeing an empty bed at 10 pm. It's that empty booster seat in the rearview mirror every time you back out of a parking spot. Or the empty space where the booster belongs if you try to move it. It's dust on his favorite toys. An empty seat at the table. It's the quiet, that damned horrible awful quiet that breaks your heart in the afternoons. It's a million tiny things throughout the day that remind you of what you're missing, who you are missing with all your heart.
But there is one thing that is worse than missing your child. It's getting ready to miss your child.
I HATE the final few weeks before a visitation. There's this sense of dread about it. Every time you try to plan something you are checking it against the date of departure. Every time you talk to someone about the summer there's the obligatory "Well, he won't be here then..." after they ask about summer camp plans. You're constantly reminded of it. And it tears you apart.
You want to keep things as natural as possible so you don't freak the poor kid out. You want to tell him you'll miss him, so he knows you care, but you don't want to tell him how much for fear he might dread going. So there's the "we're going to miss you but you're going to have so much fun" lie. It's not a lie in the truest sense of the word, but it's a lie by omission. The truth is more like "I'm going to miss you every second and it will be like having my heart torn out. I hope to God that you have fun because if you don't then I won't be able to bear having been parted from you. But please don't have too much fun, because I'm scared you could decide you want to stay there and that would kill me." You want to prepare him for what's coming so he isn't shocked, but you want to pretend it isn't going to happen at all. When you most need to be in denial you can't because your kid needs the truth, so you can't have the lie.
You find yourself trying to create a summer's worth of memories in a few weeks. You make a list of things to do, and suddenly you're a cruise director. Part of you feels like a total jerk doing it, because you wonder if you aren't trying to buy your kid's affection. You want to go out with a bang so you'll be remembered as a fun parent, hoping enough trips to the zoo will make him forget about all those vegetables you made him eat and how he didn't get to stay up late. It feels like the only way to compete with someone who gets him for two months and has no real responsibilities, no homework or school, to force on him.
And of course, this is when your child begins to test you. Sensing what's coming, no matter how much you try to pretend it's ok, your normally calm kiddo is suddenly schizo. One day he clings to you, wanting to be cuddled and held and babied. The next day he is defiant, pushing your every button and testing the limits to see whether the impending vacation has put a hold on the rules. It's about reassurance. He wants to see if you're still the same person you've always been. Is he still the same? He knows your love and he knows your limits, and by testing both he can figure out where he stands. During the time you least want to discipline him, the time when you most want everyone to just get along and enjoy each other, you find yourself facing the worst behavior your child can offer. The hell of it is that that best thing you can do for your child is to be consistent, which means not letting him get away with all the shenanigans. But every time you put him on time out, you feel mean and cruel and you really want to be hugging him. And when you are hugging him, it never lasts long enough for you. Again, in giving your child what he needs, you can't have what you want.
And there's the whole "trying not to slap someone" aspect. Every once in a while someone tries to "cheer you up" by reminding you that you can have a lot more free time with him "out of the way." People say that you are getting a "vacation." "You get more alone time with your husband!" "Do you have any special plans?" My only special plans involve finding a lawyer who can get a jury to accept that I snapped when I strangled you with my shoelace and can't be held liable. I do not delight in my child being away from me for an extended period of time. A couple of hours for a date night, that's fun. A weekend away, that's pushing it but it could be cool. Being apart from my child for two months is special torture, so don't act like I won the lottery or something.
Then there's the worry... I hate being late, so I start worrying early. I think of every bad thing that could happen. His dad's house is right on a pretty busy street. There's a strong riptide at the beaches. The fact that aliens haven't invaded yet means it could happen any time. I torture myself with everything that could go wrong, and every time it's about the same thing. I can't do anything to protect or help him if something happens. I'm powerless when we're apart. I can't comfort him or console him. I can't yell at someone on his behalf. I can't even be at his side for two or three days. No offense to anyone else, but in my heart of hearts you will never convince me that someone else could take care of my child as well as I can. It pains me to think of him hurt or scared or sad without me there to make it better.
At least when he is gone I can look forward to seeing him again. But in these last few weeks, all I have to look ahead to is saying goodbye. And that hurts more than anything else.
But there is one thing that is worse than missing your child. It's getting ready to miss your child.
I HATE the final few weeks before a visitation. There's this sense of dread about it. Every time you try to plan something you are checking it against the date of departure. Every time you talk to someone about the summer there's the obligatory "Well, he won't be here then..." after they ask about summer camp plans. You're constantly reminded of it. And it tears you apart.
You want to keep things as natural as possible so you don't freak the poor kid out. You want to tell him you'll miss him, so he knows you care, but you don't want to tell him how much for fear he might dread going. So there's the "we're going to miss you but you're going to have so much fun" lie. It's not a lie in the truest sense of the word, but it's a lie by omission. The truth is more like "I'm going to miss you every second and it will be like having my heart torn out. I hope to God that you have fun because if you don't then I won't be able to bear having been parted from you. But please don't have too much fun, because I'm scared you could decide you want to stay there and that would kill me." You want to prepare him for what's coming so he isn't shocked, but you want to pretend it isn't going to happen at all. When you most need to be in denial you can't because your kid needs the truth, so you can't have the lie.
You find yourself trying to create a summer's worth of memories in a few weeks. You make a list of things to do, and suddenly you're a cruise director. Part of you feels like a total jerk doing it, because you wonder if you aren't trying to buy your kid's affection. You want to go out with a bang so you'll be remembered as a fun parent, hoping enough trips to the zoo will make him forget about all those vegetables you made him eat and how he didn't get to stay up late. It feels like the only way to compete with someone who gets him for two months and has no real responsibilities, no homework or school, to force on him.
And of course, this is when your child begins to test you. Sensing what's coming, no matter how much you try to pretend it's ok, your normally calm kiddo is suddenly schizo. One day he clings to you, wanting to be cuddled and held and babied. The next day he is defiant, pushing your every button and testing the limits to see whether the impending vacation has put a hold on the rules. It's about reassurance. He wants to see if you're still the same person you've always been. Is he still the same? He knows your love and he knows your limits, and by testing both he can figure out where he stands. During the time you least want to discipline him, the time when you most want everyone to just get along and enjoy each other, you find yourself facing the worst behavior your child can offer. The hell of it is that that best thing you can do for your child is to be consistent, which means not letting him get away with all the shenanigans. But every time you put him on time out, you feel mean and cruel and you really want to be hugging him. And when you are hugging him, it never lasts long enough for you. Again, in giving your child what he needs, you can't have what you want.
And there's the whole "trying not to slap someone" aspect. Every once in a while someone tries to "cheer you up" by reminding you that you can have a lot more free time with him "out of the way." People say that you are getting a "vacation." "You get more alone time with your husband!" "Do you have any special plans?" My only special plans involve finding a lawyer who can get a jury to accept that I snapped when I strangled you with my shoelace and can't be held liable. I do not delight in my child being away from me for an extended period of time. A couple of hours for a date night, that's fun. A weekend away, that's pushing it but it could be cool. Being apart from my child for two months is special torture, so don't act like I won the lottery or something.
Then there's the worry... I hate being late, so I start worrying early. I think of every bad thing that could happen. His dad's house is right on a pretty busy street. There's a strong riptide at the beaches. The fact that aliens haven't invaded yet means it could happen any time. I torture myself with everything that could go wrong, and every time it's about the same thing. I can't do anything to protect or help him if something happens. I'm powerless when we're apart. I can't comfort him or console him. I can't yell at someone on his behalf. I can't even be at his side for two or three days. No offense to anyone else, but in my heart of hearts you will never convince me that someone else could take care of my child as well as I can. It pains me to think of him hurt or scared or sad without me there to make it better.
At least when he is gone I can look forward to seeing him again. But in these last few weeks, all I have to look ahead to is saying goodbye. And that hurts more than anything else.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Guinea Pig!!!
Nope, not getting one. BECOMING one! Way better, right?
Some folks may be aware of the bizarre health complaint I started having a few months back. What started as weird collapsing and shaking was analyzed, MRI'ed, CT scanned, and EEG'ed and determined to be *drumroll* migraines. WTF head? Never in my life have I had any trouble with this, and suddenly it starts out of nowhere?
But was it really out of nowhere? If this starts sounding like an episode of "House, MD" then you are picking up on the general trend of things. We were looking at everything. Stress? Got some, could be. Caffeine? Possibly, drinking coffee seemed to make it worse and I'm generally sensitive to the stuff. Sugar? I sure hope not, avoiding that would be a major diet overhaul. One I'm sure Sunny would be totally in favor of, but that my 4 year old would not support. Chocolate? Just shoot me. Shoot me in the head. I don't want to live if I have to give up chocolate.
And then Nick made a big breakthrough - my period. See, I didn't have my period at ALL until Mera was 10 months old. Which, coincidentally, was about the time this whole ordeal started. Hmmmm.... interesting, but would it stand up in court? Then Nick pointed out that my last big migraine took place the day after my period ended. We decided to track things a bit, see what was shaking. What did we find? Well, first of all my cycle is not so cyclical right now. Second, I got a small migraine the day I ovulated. Third, I got another migraine the day after my next period. We've got enough to make the link, I'd say. Would it stand up in court? Depends, does the defendant have OJ Simpson's legal team?
After some interwebs research (the ultimate in reliable fact-finding) we found that migraines and menstrual cycles are known to be linked in some cases. 1 in 7 women experience migraines as a result of plummeting estrogen levels after their period. So lucky, I am! The information we saw recomended some sort of estrogen replacement, hormonal therapy. In short, the pill.
I don't like the pill. I don't want the pill. I won't remember to take the pill and I'll get preggers again and that's not what we were looking to do right now. Then I caught a little blurb, one little line in the pamphlet, that mentioned estrogen gels that can be applied topically. Eureka!!!
I'm an Arbonne gal. I love their skincare products. Whether that helps or hinders their company, it's true. I use their FC5 line and it's the only thing I'll buy. My rep, Maria, mentioned to a friend of mine, once upon a time and in my direct hearing, that they make hormone creams to help menopause. There's two of them... Prolief and Phyto Prolief. One is a progesterone cream, the Phyto Prolief is a bio-identical estrogen replacement. I called Maria - they still make it, she still sells it, she thinks it could work.
So here's the part where I become a guinea pig. In the interest of maybe helping someone else suffering from menstrual migraines, I'm going to report on my Phyto Prolief regimen and it's effects. I'll tell you how much I'm using, how often, where on my body, and what the effect is. Hopefully, it'll be good because I'm so tired of these migraines. They're getting better, but pulling my hubby out of work so I can pass out for several hours with a tender head and light sensitivity is not going to cut it.
Wish me luck!
About Menstrual Migraines
The Magic Cream
 |
| Better you than me, Lady! |
Some folks may be aware of the bizarre health complaint I started having a few months back. What started as weird collapsing and shaking was analyzed, MRI'ed, CT scanned, and EEG'ed and determined to be *drumroll* migraines. WTF head? Never in my life have I had any trouble with this, and suddenly it starts out of nowhere?
But was it really out of nowhere? If this starts sounding like an episode of "House, MD" then you are picking up on the general trend of things. We were looking at everything. Stress? Got some, could be. Caffeine? Possibly, drinking coffee seemed to make it worse and I'm generally sensitive to the stuff. Sugar? I sure hope not, avoiding that would be a major diet overhaul. One I'm sure Sunny would be totally in favor of, but that my 4 year old would not support. Chocolate? Just shoot me. Shoot me in the head. I don't want to live if I have to give up chocolate.
And then Nick made a big breakthrough - my period. See, I didn't have my period at ALL until Mera was 10 months old. Which, coincidentally, was about the time this whole ordeal started. Hmmmm.... interesting, but would it stand up in court? Then Nick pointed out that my last big migraine took place the day after my period ended. We decided to track things a bit, see what was shaking. What did we find? Well, first of all my cycle is not so cyclical right now. Second, I got a small migraine the day I ovulated. Third, I got another migraine the day after my next period. We've got enough to make the link, I'd say. Would it stand up in court? Depends, does the defendant have OJ Simpson's legal team?
After some interwebs research (the ultimate in reliable fact-finding) we found that migraines and menstrual cycles are known to be linked in some cases. 1 in 7 women experience migraines as a result of plummeting estrogen levels after their period. So lucky, I am! The information we saw recomended some sort of estrogen replacement, hormonal therapy. In short, the pill.
I don't like the pill. I don't want the pill. I won't remember to take the pill and I'll get preggers again and that's not what we were looking to do right now. Then I caught a little blurb, one little line in the pamphlet, that mentioned estrogen gels that can be applied topically. Eureka!!!
I'm an Arbonne gal. I love their skincare products. Whether that helps or hinders their company, it's true. I use their FC5 line and it's the only thing I'll buy. My rep, Maria, mentioned to a friend of mine, once upon a time and in my direct hearing, that they make hormone creams to help menopause. There's two of them... Prolief and Phyto Prolief. One is a progesterone cream, the Phyto Prolief is a bio-identical estrogen replacement. I called Maria - they still make it, she still sells it, she thinks it could work.
So here's the part where I become a guinea pig. In the interest of maybe helping someone else suffering from menstrual migraines, I'm going to report on my Phyto Prolief regimen and it's effects. I'll tell you how much I'm using, how often, where on my body, and what the effect is. Hopefully, it'll be good because I'm so tired of these migraines. They're getting better, but pulling my hubby out of work so I can pass out for several hours with a tender head and light sensitivity is not going to cut it.
Wish me luck!
About Menstrual Migraines
The Magic Cream
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