Thursday, September 8, 2011

It's Been A While

Lots has been going on and I scarcely know how to share it all, so I choose not to. I know, it sounds like I'm being difficult but I'm not trying to. It's just hard to tell everything. Trust me.

So, on the adoption front, we had some set-back news and I haven't blogged it because it breaks my heart. Our paperwork didn't get to the courts on time. They decided to start their court vacation early (lucky them) and we didn't get on the docket before hand. Last I heard we were still waiting for a letter from the MOJ and then we have to get on the docket when the courts resume. I was told 20 September, but other interwebs scuttlebutt indicates the 15th. Who knows? All I know is that I miss my daughter so very much and it break my heart that she's not here with us now.

The hardest reminder is her clothing. I bought her a whole wardrobe of happy, fun, summer-y clothes because I truly believed she'd be home in time to wear them. Every time I sit in the chair and rock our other daughter, I see those size 4 dresses hanging up on their pink plastic hangers and I just want to cry. I tell myself she'll wear them with leggings and get at least a little mileage out of them in the fall, but it still hurts. They're like a monument to the waiting. That horrible, interminable waiting.

Sometimes the hurt of it hits me like a wave, or like some giant rock that falls on me. They prayed over us at church, partially for our adoption and partially for some other crazy stuff, and I bawled my head off. I want to hold her again. I just pray she knows we are still coming and we love her.

Other things have happened that have made me very sure that there was a reason for this wait. I know it wasn't random. In one sense I'm glad for it because of what it has become. All the same, I'd give anything to hold my girl in my arms. I just want our family to be together.

In the good news, our boy is home again and is he funny! The things he says... Oh, and he's brilliant. Montessori kindergarten is amazing. I can't believe the work he brings home. My little man, growing up so fast. These kids are incredible, I feel so blessed.

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