But when you turn down (either in the form of rejecting an official referral or just in deciding not to request that specific child) one of these kids on the waiting list you do so with this hope in your heart that someone else will come along. "Not the right fit for my family, but he's sure to find a home someday."
No one came along for him, though. He died in the orphanage. I'm sure he was well taken care of, but no child should ever go to heaven having never been truly loved on earth.
It's times like this that I cry my eyes out because I feel so damned limited in what I can do. We can't bring home every kid in the orphanage. We certainly can't bring home all 30,000+ orphans in Bulgaria. My family can't give a home to the 150 million orphans around the world. We can save this one, and maybe down the road I'll trick, connive or convince my hubby to go back again. (You can tell him I said that, he already knows I'd love to adopt again and I already know he wants to see how the first time goes.) But I want to do MORE. I don't know what, but I just pray that God has something in mind for me that goes beyond a couple of kids.